My life seems to have always been sailing in the Sea of Uneveness. Prior to August 2016 I was extremely happy with the direction my professional life and social life was going. My years in schooling were finally paying off and I was getting to look for and apply to exciting job prospects that where in my field of interest. I had friends who I would go out with for coffee or lunch and just catch up every few weeks. It was amazing, except for my love life, at the time, it was how do I put it… satisfactory but I often found myself thinking. “Is this it? Is this what a relationship should truly amount too?” I definitely cared for my b/f (at the time) and I did love him to a point but it had morphed into a resigned type of love. The love was there because of all the things we had been through together, which was a lot in six years… but still that thought “Is this really it?” echoed throughout my mind those six years.
It’s now after August 2016 and I ended it with the man I was with for six years. Packed up my things and moved to Massachusetts to be with a man I had known in an online game for many years (practically a decade) but never really interacted with until the Summer of 2016. Literally, less then two months later I broke off a six year relationship and packed up what I could and left the state of my birth to live in Massachusetts. Now, I find myself in a relationship that feels real to me. The only thing is my professional and social life are nonexistant.
It seems that I can’t strike the right fuck’n balance in all three of those aspects. It’s downright maddening. I am trying to figure something out for myself professionally and socially… it’s just taking a really long time for it all to pan out.
Will this Sea of Uneveness I’ve been sailing through for most of my adult life finally change into something more? I don’t know. Time will tell really.
Thanks for reading.