So, I obviously have not kept up to date with this blog. Think las time I posted something was about seven or eight months ago… my life has seriously changed since I last posted anything. I no longer live in my home state of California, I now live in Massachusetts.
The reason? I got to know someone online who literally flipped my world upside down. I had known him for a long while actually but we never talked. It was in the realm of an MMORPG’s where I first encountered him (BK)… and he was an asshole. BK would literally just come by and kill me usually in one shot. That was about nine or eight years ago and we never talked I would just see him trash talk a shit ton over the MMORPG’s world chat. I was a weak healer in that game; excellent at PvE shit; but horrible in PvP. So I usually didn’t fight back or trash talk.
Fast forward it’s late June of 2016. I had stopped playing mmorpg for many years now; you know life got in the way of my gaming and I stopped for many years at least in mmorpg front. Still played my PS2 because I was too broke to buy another gaming system. I had been living with my boyfriend of six years now. We had an apartment, six cats and I was living in the San Francisco Bay Area; working full-time at a nonprofit. I had barely finished my graduate program and was working on registering the BBS Board in California as an MFT-I (marriage and family therapist-intern). At the time I was planning on working for the county I resided in as CPS worker. I landed that job too and was beginning to phase out of my nonprofit job. I decided to check out if the mmorpg I played back in undergrad was still around. It was, same game new publisher. So, I reregistered and started playing again.
Made new in-game friends and ended up reconnecting with some people who played the game back when I was in undergrad. Joined a guild and got to really enjoying the game again. Joined the TS chat of one of the guilds because I was invited (healer’s are always needed in mmorpg’s afterall). That’s where I met him, it was a group of us actually. One time in TS it was BK and another player, BK started to ask me a bunch of questions of when I first started playing that mmorpg. At some point in the past we had been playing at the same time and we were both trying to see if our paths had crossed. I told him the in-game name I used then, the role and the server…then it all clicked for him. He was hesitant to say who his in-game character was at that time. I got it out of him eventually and the bastard that kept killing me all those years ago.
I wasn’t angry I was just stunned and laughed about it. He thought I was gonna start hating him but I didn’t. Hell that constant pking was over 6 years ago. I’m not one to hold a grudge for that long. So we talked and I joked with him and everyone else in TS. Fun times.
One day in TS chat another person in the guild started going after BK and tried insulting him by bringing up BK’s newborn son (BK was drunk at the time and was trolling). Now, BK has no issues with getting trash talked about but he dishes it out there’s two things he doesn’t tolerate though. People personally attacking the military (BK is a military veteran) or his son. BK is a veteran and three years older then me. Well it got pretty heated in TS very quickly and it eventually died off and the player who went after BK like that never logged into TS ever again and he left our guild.
I was worried about BK cause he was really upset so the next day I messaged him on facebook to see how he was doing after the whole thing that went down the day before. He was alright and so we messaged eachother on facebook for the rest of that day….and the day after that…. our chatting reached a whole new level. I couldn’t stop talking to him and he couldn’t stop talking to me either.
Remember, at the time I was in a relationship already; had been for six years and was living with someone and we had cats together. I literally expected the person I was with at the time to be it for me. I was content in that relationship. I cared and loved the guy I was with in California. I had it set in my mind that that was it and that even though I was not in love with my boyfriend I could settle down with him and be content. I knew my relationship was lacking something but I had long since accepted that as my reality.
So imagine my surprise and guilt when I realized I was falling for someone else I met in an mmorpg and lived all the way on the east coast. I knew I should have stopped messaging BK but I didn’t want to, so I didn’t. BK wasn’t in a relationship, even though he had just had a newborn son, he wasn’t with the mother. He told me it was one night fling that resulted in a kid for him. So he was single. I wasn’t single. We kept on talking and he new I was already in a six year relationship.
It became serious between BK and me. Initally, I thought it was just a crush and it was going to pass my feelings for him grew deeper though as the weeks passed by. At one point, we had an argument that ended with me informing my boyfriend in California it was over between us and I was moving out. I had already turned in my 2 week notice at my nonprofit job, as I had accepted the offer for a new position as a CPS worker in the county I resided prior to all this happening.
I had started playing that mmorpg in late June 2016, I got to really know BK throughout July 2016. By the last week of July 2016 I broke up with my boyfriend in California packed up and shipped what I could to Massachusetts to BK’s place. Cleaned out the majority of my stuff from the apartment I had shared with my ex and told my ex whatever was left he could give away or throw out. I still feel guilty for doing this to my ex because I’ve been cheated on before and it sucks. I never intended to be that kind of person and I’m pretty sure I’m going to feel guilty about this for the rest of my life. I just hope and wish my ex will find someone who will make him happy the way he deserves to be. He
My last day at work was initially Friday August 5th but as the week went by I made Wednesday August 3rd my last day at work. I drove my car down to my parents place (2 hours away from the San Francisco Bay area) and left it. Then took an Uber to San Jose airport where I boarded a red eye flight to Boston, Massachusetts where BK would pick me up.
I’m not the kind of woman who tends to follow her heart in relationships; I’m more cautious and prefer to be rational (been burned way too many times but who hasn’t?). Obviously it didn’t pan out this way. Earlier I said he turned my world upside down. He literally did. I took steps that I normally wouldn’t have. This was definitely uncharacteristic of me and obviously quite dangerous. Worst case scenario I could have ended up dead.
I gave up a lot. Most of my family resides in California and the closest ones who live near the East Coast are in Texas, I gave up my career, gave up my friends, all of it got left behind in California. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.. If I was given the choice to go back and do it differently, I wouldn’t. I don’t have any regrets. Albeit, there are challenges he is a combat veteran who’s been diagnosed with a TBI and PTSD and although I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from trauma I experienced in childhood which that adds several complicated layers to our relationship. Nevertheless, I don’t have that feeling I’m “settling” with BK the way I did with ex (which I felt after a few months of being together). Anyways, it has been six months since I moved in with BK. I have never been happier or more in love.
Thanks for reading.